Imagine this scene – you’ve started your diet (again) and for the first two weeks it’s going really well. The food planning is happening, sticking to the calorie budget is happening, researching the workout plans you want to do is happening, and the best news: you’ve lost a few pounds in the first two weeks. Yes! This time is going to be different. This time it’s going to work!
Then, you come home after a long day at work. It was a bit stressful and you’re still mulling over a few things on your mind as you get home. You open the door and your dogs barrell out the door and knock you over because they’re pretty happy to see you. But you’re flustered because you have things on your mind from work and were not prepared to be knocked down and now you’re on the ground with all your things scattered about and you’re soaking wet. Did I forget to mention that it’s pouring down rain so you got soaked as you went from car to door? Oh, and then the kids come into the room and one is crying because her brother hit her and the brother is insisting that he did not. Well, hello there super stressful evening, care to have a chocolate bar with me?
That’s right – we are hitting that all too familiar beginning to stress eating. And this is just one example of a “typical” day with stress. But there are many things that can lead to stress eating from your day to day stressors to the really “big” stressful events that can happen at any time. Those events include an illness, the loss of a friend or family member, loss of a job, changing a job, having a baby, having kids in school, struggling with not being able to have kids, worries over the political climate of society, wishing people could just get along on your Facebook feed, and the list goes on and on and on.
It can be difficult to tackle stress eating for a very important and valid reason – the way our brains function. In my work as a mental health therapist this is a concept I talk about on a daily basis. And not just in stress eating but really in all the ways we have learned to manage and deal with our challenging feelings: stress, anxiety, anger, sadness, etc.
The brain really likes to take shortcuts to conserve energy. Which is why so many of our daily habits seem to happen on autopilot. I don’t have to think too much about some of my daily routines because I do them so often I could almost do them with my eyes closed. This is an example of my brain making a shortcut – an action or behavior I repeat over and over so my brain just skips ahead and moves on to other things.
When it comes to stress, my brain has learned past habits that help me feel less stressed. Chocolate provides a quick boost to feel better in that very moment and helps me feel less tense than I did before. Chips take my mind off the major stress I’m going through and it just tastes so very good and it is a very quick way to change my mood. My brain will shortcut to that quick relief to change the way I’m feeling to conserve brain energy to use on other decisions – what am I going to watch on Netflix tonight? This is why you’ll suddenly find yourself reaching for those foods you put high and out of the way to avoid this very temptation. This is why you’ll suddenly get a “taste” in your mouth for that sweet or salty food.
But the good news is, now that I know this bit of information about my brain it can actually help me when I encounter the urge to stress eat. Understanding that my brain is trying to help by using shortcuts can help me feel less guilt over the pattern and more understanding in a meaningful way. And when I know that my brain is jumping to these shortcuts then I can also know that while it might take time to create new shortcuts I will in fact be able to make new paths in my brain to essentially relearn how to manage stress.
Here are few ideas on how to get this process started.
Step One: Notice your urges when you feel stressed.
Get curious about yourself! Ask yourself these questions either in the moment of stress eating or after the incident is done. What am I reaching for? What is my urge right now? What do I want to eat? How can I tell? Is it a taste in my mouth? Is it where my hands seem to reach on their own? Is it the thought of a particular food that I just can’t seem to stop thinking about? Take this moment of noticing to pray and ask God to give you wisdom about these urges.
Step Two: Accept that this is a normal response.
After you start noticing your patterns and automatic reactions to stress you might start to feel a lot of guilt. A lot of people do this but it is also something we can work on here. You can start to accept that your urge is a normal response by saying something to yourself like this: “It is 100% normal and natural that my brain and my body are reaching for quick fixes to feeling stressed right now. My brain is actually trying to help me by taking this shortcut.” This is another space to take a moment to pray that God will allow you to appreciate the beauty of the way He designed our brains and to know that He can in fact give you what you need to make this change.
Step Three: Remind yourself of what else is true right now and what your goals are.
So you don’t want to stop at telling yourself your reaction is normal. You’ve got to teach your brain what you want to do instead! This is where you can start to problem solve the other ways to manage stress and keep that list handy where you can get to it quickly like in the Notes section of your phone.
You’ll want to brainstorm your ideas when you aren’t in the middle of a stressful situation but instead when you’re in a space to think through what helps you feel better. This could be anything from eating fruit instead, reading a book, watching funny YouTube videos, meditation or prayer, coloring, taking a walk, etc.
Once you have a list then your stressful moment can look more like this: “Even though I know it’s normal and OK to reach for food when I’m stressed, I also know there are other things I can try first.” Then you take a look at your list and pick one of those items. Try that out and give yourself at least 15 minutes before you ask yourself, “Now, am I hungry?” Check this out by paying attention to your body’s hunger signals and if you are hungry, then eat a snack. And if you aren’t, then you can move on to the next thing you wanted to do with your day. 🙂
Step Four: Rinse and repeat. 🙂
Seriously though, the way we retrain our brains is by repeating an action. It took a lot of time for your brain to reach its current systems of shortcuts. And while it will not take an equal amount of time to undo and rewire those shortcuts it will take time to see the change. But the good news is – every time you interrupt a shortcut and try something different it makes it that much more likely that you will try your new shortcut the next time. And then the next time and then the next time. And at some point you’ll realize that your stress urges are no longer food related but instead connected to the other things that help you out.
Stress eating is a challenging area to address but I promise you it is not hopeless. In fact my hope is that you’ll find it will be a beautiful opportunity to deepen your faith in God. He is deeply concerned in all your moments of all of your days. He wants you to reach out to Him to make these changes. Learning more about your own body and brain will both help you to see the beauty of His creative work in you and help you depend on Him for all your stresses – big and little.
The Psalms are a beautiful testament to the Lord who is there in all the circumstances and all the feelings we experience. “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” Psalm 34:4-5
Also, make sure that if your stressors are piling up and seem overwhelming, know that you’re not alone. You’ve got the Lord with you and you also can seek help with those feelings. Professional counseling is a wonderful space to start finding help and support. You can often find a therapist in your local area who does their work from a Bible centered and faith focused perspective. If you need help finding or locating those resources in your local area I am more than happy to help with that. Give me a call or shoot me a text at 859-813-4448 and we can get you started.
Much love, grace and peace to you call, Cassie